BREAKING: Ruben Amorim has applied for the Chelsea job just so he can sell Garnacho again.

In what can only be described as the most unhinged managerial motivation of the modern football era, reports are emerging that Sporting CP head coach Ruben Amorim has formally applied for the Chelsea job for one very specific reason: to sell Alejandro Garnacho again. Yes, again. Not to win trophies, not to rebuild Chelsea’s chaotic squad, and certainly not to tame the club’s ever-growing army of midfielders — but to cash in on Garnacho one more time and prove a philosophical point to the footballing world.

Sources close to the situation claim Amorim has never truly recovered from the trauma of watching Garnacho thrive elsewhere after leaving his tactical ecosystem. While most managers dream of silverware or legacy-defining projects, Amorim reportedly wakes up every morning fueled by a single thought: “What if I sold Garnacho… but better?”

Chelsea, of course, are the perfect accomplice for such a scheme. A club that has turned player trading into an extreme sport, Stamford Bridge has become football’s most reliable destination for emotional transfer decisions. If there is a player who can be bought for an inflated fee, showcased inconsistently, and then sold at a philosophical loss, Chelsea will find a way. Amorim sees this not as a risk, but as an opportunity.

According to insiders, Amorim’s job application was refreshingly honest. Under the section titled “Long-term vision”, he allegedly wrote: “Buy Garnacho. Convince everyone he is essential. Sell Garnacho. Repeat cycle if necessary.” Chelsea’s recruitment team, impressed by the clarity, immediately scheduled a meeting.

Amorim’s fascination with Garnacho is said to be deeply tactical. The winger represents everything the Portuguese coach claims to both admire and distrust: raw talent, emotional decision-making, and an alarming tendency to ignore positional discipline. Selling Garnacho, for Amorim, is not rejection — it is art. It is his way of restoring balance to the footballing universe.

Chelsea fans, meanwhile, are divided. Some are excited by the prospect of yet another winger arriving at the club, pushing the total count to a number last accurately measured in spreadsheets rather than memory. Others fear Garnacho would quickly become “the next project,” a phrase that now sends shivers down the spines of West London season-ticket holders.

One Chelsea supporter summarized the mood perfectly: “If we sign Garnacho, I’ll buy his shirt. If we sell him six months later, I’ll frame the receipt.”

The board, led by its data-driven hierarchy, is reportedly intrigued by Amorim’s logic. Selling players is, after all, Chelsea’s unofficial love language. The idea of buying Garnacho for a premium, loaning him out twice, and then selling him for slightly less — while claiming a net positive in squad harmony — fits perfectly within the club’s recent transfer mythology.

Manchester United fans are also watching closely, torn between disbelief and exhaustion. Garnacho has become a symbol of hope, chaos, and highlight-reel football at Old Trafford. The idea that he could be sold not for financial necessity or tactical mismatch, but because a manager simply enjoys selling him, feels almost personal.

Amorim’s tactical pitch reportedly included a 30-slide presentation titled “Why Garnacho Is Not a Wingback (But Might Be for Three Matches)”. The presentation ended with projected resale values, emotional impact metrics, and a reminder that Chelsea have already survived far worse decisions.

Pundits have wasted no time weighing in. One former player claimed, “This is the most Chelsea appointment imaginable. A manager who already knows which player he wants to sell before he’s even signed.” Another added, “At least it’s honest. Usually they wait until pre-season.”

Behind the satire lies a deeper truth about modern football. Players are no longer just athletes; they are assets, narratives, and social media events. Amorim understands this better than most. Selling Garnacho again would not just be a transfer — it would be content. It would dominate timelines, podcasts, and tactical breakdowns for weeks.

Chelsea’s ownership group is said to appreciate this perspective. Engagement matters. Headlines matter. And nothing generates engagement quite like selling the same talented winger under a new philosophical justification.

As of now, no official decision has been made. Amorim remains at Sporting, Chelsea remain chaotic, and Garnacho remains blissfully unaware that he may soon become the centerpiece of football’s most self-aware transfer saga.

But one thing is clear: if Ruben Amorim does end up at Stamford Bridge, it won’t just be about tactics, trophies, or transformation. It will be about closure. And somewhere, in a carefully color-coded spreadsheet, the words “Sell Garnacho (Again)” are already highlighted in green.